


giving up

by pen0meco



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: First Love, Light Angst, M/M, Moving On, School, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Wonwoo's POV, jeonghan and seokmin are bffs, mingyu and minghao are bffs, mingyu is hetero omg sh00k, wonwoo is... sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 07:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17055785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pen0meco/pseuds/pen0meco
Summary: Wonwoo is sick, Mingyu is his illness.





	giving up

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend to listen to Bobby's Alien while reading this!

Mingyu.

I didn't really notice you last year.  
Yeah, you got my attention, you're just my ideal type, but last year I only saw you as an idiot that loved making the class laugh.  
I laughed at every single stupid thing you said.

Do you know what I hate? Having crushes, falling in love or whatever you call these things.  
And do you know why? Because it fucks up the whole system I create in my head.  
Every thought has its space, its reason.  
But when I start developing feelings for someone, my important thought haven't a designed space anymore, they get pushed away and replaced by the person I like.  
«What is he doing now? Does he ever think about me? What does he think of me? Does he like me? Maybe he posted some new selfies? He isn't thinking about that slut he always talks about, right?»  
And so on.

And do you know what exploded in my head this year? You.  
Yes! You, Kim Mingyu, ruined my life. I thought this year was going to be perfect, but you... you entered and messed my perfect plans!  
And the fact that you don't even know it makes me even sadder, or angrier.  
Since the first day of this new year I always watched you.  
We were pretty distant, I glanced at you without making it obvious.

And when the teacher wanted to change our deskmates I even crossed my organs: I wanted, wished, needed to be closer to you! More than anything else! I wanted to hear what you talked about, to make you laugh, to talk together, to have fun with you...  
But the teacher never paired our names, that made me really sad.

But one day, a miracle or a disgrace, I found myself in the desk behind yours.  
I was with Jeonghan and you with Seokmin.  
Those two always made such a mess, I still laugh when I think about it. They're really best friends.  
Best friends, what we sadly weren't.

I still remember your smiles when we mocked someone, or when we laughed for every irrelevant thing.  
One of the best memories about you were your worries.  
Everyone in class know I suffer of intestines-ache.  
When I almost cried because of the pain nobody ever said something.  
But you were always the first to turn and ask «How's your pain? Have you took the pills?»  
I wanted to cry.  
I wanted to take, hold and kiss you.

Sometimes we and the others went out around the town.  
And you all know I have a strange music taste, a lot of people exclude me from their conversations just because of that.  
But when you put music on, you always asked «Is it okay?».  
I always nodded just because you were so damn cute, to be honest those songs weren't okay, I didn't like them, but... you were... an angel. You still are.

And those rare times when we chatted, you talked in a way that made me feel special, as if you actually liked me.  
I was so embarrassed, promising myself to keep those moments (and screenshots) as if they were the most precious thing in the world.  
I thought my crush was becoming now obvious, but you all were just teasing me with the same (wrong) name.

When the person who has my heart was right there, teasing me.

I knew that soon our "almost deskmates" days were coming to an end, and it made me feel both sad and glad at the same time.  
Our departure would've slowly stopped my crush, but would've still made me feel miserable.

So the teacher changed your position again, but this time you were relatively close to me.  
Next to me, my longtime childhood friend: Minghao.  
He was so damn popular, everyone called him every second and our desk became a tourist attraction.  
Sometimes there were over five guys circling him, worshipping him.  
You were there, too.

You are best friends.  
You're really lucky.  
Minghao is really a golden hearted person, but his popularity is changing him.  
Back to us, you were just right to me and Minghao.  
And that created my dilemma.

I heard every single thing, every single joke you and Hao made.  
You talked about a person, not using any pronoun and you also made romantic (and dirty...) jokes about that one person.  
And, obviously, I believed those were for me.  
I was sure! I already started thinking a way to "obtain" you.

But when I heard her name, I saddened.  
It was a girl, all the time.  
She isn't from our school.  
And I don't even know her.  
I bet she's fuckable as you say, right?  
I couldn't be interested into her anyway...

I repeated to myself  
«I don't wanna love you but I'm loving you right now...»  
And that was right.  
That love made me sick, if we can call it that.  
It was a knife, that I didn't hold.  
You were, without knowing, the one who kept stabbing me as if we were just a stupid vicious game.

The more I looked at you and the more I regretted liking you.  
Why you?!  
I wanted to confess, but deep down I knew you would've rejected and hated me.

And the more I look at you, the more I think you are my forbidden fruit.  
My sin. My own sin.

I wrote so many poems for you, I wanted to read them the day I confessed. But that day wasn't and will never be there.

Mingyu, you're so beautiful.  
Mingyu, I think you took my heart.  
Mingyu, I never liked nobody the way I like you.  
Nobody ever cast a spell on me as you did, without knowing it.  
Oh Mingyu, what would I do to born again as a girl. At least I could have a chance.

And as I watch you beneath my memories I think it's time to stop with this stupid scenario.  
I can't do nothing.  
And the more I think about you, the more I hurt myself.

I don't want to love you, but I'm doing it.  
You're so close, yet so far.  
You're a creature, completely different from me.  
I want to understand you but I can't.  
And it hurts Mingyu, it hurts.

And only after the knife stabbed and restabbed, after my body hasn't even got the energy to think I tidied my head.  
I'm not sad, I'm really glad. It's like I just recovered from a terminal illness. I'm happy, I can finally see the light. 

And I decided that I'll give up on this love.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading... this!  
> This was originally in Italian, it's on Wattpad since last moth but nobody reads it which is a waste since I really like it. So I decided to translate and publish it here! Some words might sound weird since it's a translation, sorry.  
> This is based on a thing that actually happened to me this year, and is influenced by Alien (Bobby's song).


End file.
